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TOP FIVE
Top 5 Surprising Facts about Mitt Romney
Well, it looks like Romney’s gonna be the next Republican nominee, so we might as well learn about the guy. Last week, Romney got the ball rolling by telling us he’s half-Mexican. What are some other surprising facts about the ex-Massachusetts governor and current probably-the-next-president?
1. 80 percent of his body is covered with tattoos.
Ever wonder why you’ve never seen Mitt Romney without a shirt? Because almost everything under his suits is covered with tattoos. Mitt’s very private about his ink habit, so we don’t know for sure what he has under the hood, but here’s what’s been confirmed: the Led Zeppelin symbols; Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments; the names of his parents; a python wrapped around a motorcycle; and Charlton Heston in The Omega Man.
2. Has killed three people with his bare hands.
Oddly enough, Romney has a history of slaying people using only his fists. The first came during a charity hockey game in 1994, when during an on-ice scrum Romney punched an opposing player so hard that the guy fell and hit his head on the ice. That one was an accident, but the next one definitely was not. it was the summer of 1997 in Boston and Romney had to defend himself and a pregnant Mrs. Romney from mugger with a knife. The third came when Romney was running for president in 2008. Romney was so furious over losing the New Hampshire primary that, according to one witness, he held down the nearest staffer and “kept punchin' 'til he hit concrete.”
3. Dead twin.
Did you know Mitt's a twin? Well, was a twin. His brother, Jesse Rombert Romney, died immediately after birth. Jesse Rombert’s premature death has cast a shadow over Mitt, who's wondered why he survived and Jesse Rombert didn't. Interestingly, Mitt claims he communicates with his brother’s spirit daily. Jesse Rombert is one of Mitt's most-trusted political advisors and was responsible for most of Massachusett's universal healthcare bill.
4. Sheds a Romney-skin each winter.
Like all North American Romneys, Mitt’s scaly outer skin molts throughout the year and sloughs off each winter. Traditionally, all Romneys return to their ancestral breeding ground around the winter solstice and disappear into the mountains for up to ten days of shedding and spawning, before returning with a fresh outer protective layer and a belly full of Romney-young.
5. Tried a beer once.
Mitt Romney admits that when he was a “wayward Mormon teenager” he tried a sip of beer at a party. The experience was not pleasant. Mitt He flew murderous rage and savagely pummeled classmate Aaron Bengtson, a popular lacrosse player and Romney’s biggest high school rival. (Aaron barely survived, so I didn’t include him on #2; he now lives in an assisted living facility). This was also a formative experience in Romney’s life, as it re-committed him to his Mormon values, as well as foreshadowed his series of fatal punchings. Romney thinks the beer was a PBR.
Jim Rowley is a Los Angeles-based writer who served in the Bush and Clinton administrations.
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