TOP FIVE ESSENTIALS TO PACK FOR BURNING MAN
Burning man is happening right now in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada. A city of 48,000 people has been created out of nothing. If you hurry, you can join them! But don’t just hop in the car with a few bottles of water and an ocarina. With temperatures ranging from 40 to100 degrees in 24 hours, no food or water for sale, and a bunch of loud hippies dancing, singing, and lighting shit on fire all night long, you’d better have a solid packing strategy. Here are the top five “must haves” for your first Burning Man experience:
1. 100 Handmade Hemp Ankle Bracelets
Just in case you forget something else, you can “gift” them to someone and hope that they want to “gift” you back a few gallons of water, some sunscreen, or a band-aid. Other possible gifts for your new 48,000 BFFs: a poem written on a plastic whistle, glow-in-the-dark cinnamon toothpicks, or a flask made from a rubber chicken.
2. Massage Oil
‘Cause if the ankle bracelets and chicken flasks really make you a special kind of new friend, you might wanna bring a few of these too.
3. Sandstorm-Proof Nipple Stickers
Trust me, when the wind starts blowing at 75 mph, you don’t want the only thing between you and the elements to be glow-in-the-dark body paint.
4. A Significant Other Homing Device
Tell your lover you bought them the reusable water bottle with the “Meat is Murder” slogan on it because you love them and Gaia, the Earth Goddess. Don’t tell them you’ve implanted a GPS chip in the base that will let you know where he is at all times, and immediately alert you if he stumbles into this theme camp.
5. A 20-Foot-Tall Sculpture of a Uterus
You will be SO embarrassed if you show up at Burning Man without a giant art installation. Yours will be made from screenplay rejection letter papier-mâché and have a cutaway so that viewers can gaze at you inside the giant womb where from midnight until two a.m. every day, you read aloud, alternating between Mein Kampf and The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Shannon Corder is a writer living in LA, who believes that this column is a form of radical self-expression.
|
|
